TRUST NO ONE

This title may seem a little on the harsh side but having lived in Bali for the past six years and having spent plenty of time on Lombok… “TRUST NO ONE” is one of the best pieces of advice I can offer.

When you land on either of these paradise islands and breath in that intoxicating ocean air, unbutton your shirt and feel the warm tropical breeze on your chest, optimism and brotherly love magically permeate your soul. Sweet smiling brown eyed Indonesians are bowing to you, carrying your luggage, wearing flowers behind their ears, messaging your shoulders and in general treating you better than, perhaps, you have ever been treated in your life.

You feel trusting. Safe. And why wouldn’t you? Look at them, they are radiant… it’s true.

And it is the very truth that can so easily over-ride your basic instincts and allow you to lower your guard just enough to get taken to the cleaners and turn what could have been a perfect holiday into a less than perfect one.

So, travel law #1… TRUST NO ONE.

From the minute you land until the minute you pass through the last x-ray machine on your way out keep your guard up!

The array of scams and swindles that you may encounter on your Bali-Lombok adventure are far too myriad, from Police extorting your money at the side of the road to being pick pocketed in Denpasar market, to cover in this article, so I will use the “money changer” scam as a lesson.

Changing Money
One of the first things you will do on your Indo excursions is to deal with your finances. Now you have already prepared yourself mentally, thanks to your trusty guidebook, to pay as little as is humanly possible for your maximum amount of enjoyment. The clinical name for this condition is known technically as “cheap-ass-it is” and it can take you over to such a degree that you are actually taking coins back from a taxi driver.

Travel tip #1… Never take coins from anyone, ever!

Or worse, yet trekking down back allies in search of a better exchange rate.

The least you could lose in this percentage point challenge will be the most precious and non recoupable of commodities… father time. The most you could lose is a portion of that cold hard cash that just stumbled over countless broken sidewalk stones trying to make the most of.
Here is how you get had
You look at the board out front… the rate is better than others and look they don’t charge a commission. You go in.

You are greeted with a friendly smile. You lay your money down… tack tack tack… a number appears with many zeros behind it and your quick math tells you that you are in the right place…

Voila… all of a sudden there are many piles of multi-colored notes with a variety of war heroes all looking at you. Butterflies.

Your tally man will now allow you to count or even help you with this core always smiling… always friendly… and always making sure to use small denominations for maximum memorization…

You are satisfied… your total still glows in the calculator… the counter is covered in rupiahs.

So, in accordance with island cordiality and the exchanger scoops up this unruly sum and with a couple of taps on the counter your money is in a neat tidy bundle and you are on your way.

Then you are outside and it’s too late.

What you didn’t see was the half open drawer behind the counter where a few slices of your bread were ever so cleverly dropped off the back of the loaf by an unbelievable simple slide of hand… you’ve been hood-winked by a hood-weeny and you haven’t even made it to the beach yet.

I saw it happen right there in Kuta Square.

So if your money changer starts pulling out all kinds of small bills and you get that suspicious feeling in your stomach… man… hit the pause button and get yourself outta there.

Rule: if the place looks dodgy, it probably is dodgy.

Always follow your instincts, they are usually right.

Accept only hundreds and fifties.

There is no such thing as “No Commision”.

Don’t be fueled by cheap limitations.

This is only one of dozens of scams. Indonesian may not always come across as the smartest people, but they sure are clever.

The guy selling marijuana works for the cops. The guy selling young girls works for the pimps. The kids selling time-share will call you at your hotel everyday. The guy take you to mushroom dealer is quadrupling the price. The bag handlers at the Padang Bay ferry are extortionists. Even the donation box at the Mother Temple in Bali is rigged (why would the Mother Temple need your money?).

The guy selling unbelievably cheap beach front is just plain unbelievable. Watch out for that motorcycle insurance swindle.

Now all that said, you have landed in one of the most magical places on earth. Untold surfing, scuba-diving, deserted beaches, endless hiking not to mention pumping clubs, cheap ice-cold Bintang, Nasi Goreng by the bowlful and more mysticism than you can shake an incense stick at.

Nevertheless, when you have this many good things in one place there are also must be the same number of bad… Confucius even said so.

So keep your thinking cap screwed on tight, your guard up and follow those instincts. You are the target.

Now get lost… you know how much fun it can be.